- Jokes About Gambling Problems
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- Funny Gambling Jokes Joke
Gambling is, first and foremost, a form of entertainment. From the bells and whistles of the slot machines to the dazzling colors and shapes of table games, everything is designed to delight you.
Land-based casinos keep the party going with bars and restaurants with live music. If you’re playing online, your excitement is growing bigger whenever you’re being showered with loyalty points.
Casinos, it seems, both land-based and online, have found the cure for boredom.
While gambling has been notoriously associated with addiction, recent studies show that most players are addicted to the feeling of fun that comes with gambling. Medical researchers estimate that only 5 to 8 percent of all gamblers show evidence of addiction. Most of us are there to have a good time.
Maybe you simply love getting a buzz of excitement from playing Wheel of Fortune or Double Diamon. Perhaps you like the thrill provided by Russian roulette or you enjoy strategizing during Poker and Blackjack with a delicious cocktail in hand.
Maybe you simply love getting a buzz of excitement from playing Wheel of Fortune or Double Diamon. Perhaps you like the thrill provided by Russian roulette or you enjoy strategizing during Poker and Blackjack with a delicious cocktail in hand.
Winning might not be guaranteed in a casino, but that’s exactly what makes you come back.
- The Best Gambling Jokes and Funny Gambling Quotes Top 10 Gambling Jokes and Funny Gambling Quotes assembled by NoLuckNeeded.com. Please share your funny gambling jokes below in the comment section. If you like poker, check out NoLuckNeeded's huge list of The Best Poker Jokes & Funny Poker Quotes My wife has left me because I am a compulsive.
- Blackjack Winnings Joke Little Old Lady Gambler Joke. A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. The Blonde and the Winning Slot Machine Joke. Two blonde friends, Jenny and Jane, went together to play the slot. Funny Casino Jokes.
- Love is gambling, not with money but with your heart. You can always get money back, but you might not get your heart back. If it weren't for the drug use, degenerate gambling, and drinking I would be a great catch. Chuck-E-Cheese, because it's never too early to introduce your child to poor nutrition and gambling.
Sarcastic Poker Gambling Text Joke Lover Designs. I'D RATHER BE AT THE CASINO Funny Vegas Gift Idea Long Sleeve T-Shirt. Get it as soon as Tue, Nov 10. Funny Jokes - The IRS Audits The Gambling Grandpa.
Comedian Chico Marx best explained this: “If I lose today, I can look forward to winning tomorrow, and if I win today, I can expect to lose tomorrow. A sure thing is no fun.”
Interestly enough, you tend to feel happy even when you’re losing. Several studies discovered that losing money after visiting a casino doesn’t make the overall experience less enjoyable. “A gambler is nothing but a man who makes his living out of hope.” – William Bolitho
Like Marx, many other famous figures had an opinion about gambling.
Most of them found humor in losing and the changing nature of luck.
“If there weren’t luck involved, I would win every time,” said professional poker player, Phil Hellmuth.
Most of them found humor in losing and the changing nature of luck.
“If there weren’t luck involved, I would win every time,” said professional poker player, Phil Hellmuth.
We’ve gathered some of the funniest quotes about gambling from tens of notorious people including ancient philosophers like Publilius Syrus, scientists like Albert Einstein, and actors like Paul Newman.
Whether you’re just dipping your toes into the gambling waters or you’re a die-hard casino player, these lines will put a smile on your face.
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“Gambling is the future on the internet. You can only look at so many dirty pictures.” – Simon Noble
“You’ll always miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” – Wayne Gretzky
“Nine gamblers could not feed a single rooster.”– Yugoslav Proverb
“Eat your betting money but don’t bet your eating money.” – Unknown
“True luck consists not in holding the best of the cards at the table; luckiest is he who knows just when to rise and go home.” – John Milton Hay
“The only sure thing about luck is that it will change.” – Wilson Mizner
“The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.” – Kin Hubbard
“Gambling is not a vice, it is an expression of our humanness. We gamble. Some do it at the gaming table, some do not. You play, you win, you play, you lose. You play.” – Jeanette Winterson
“The better the gambler, the worse the man.” – Publius Syrus
“The guy who invented poker was bright, but the guy who invented the chip
was a genius.” – Julius Weintraub.
was a genius.” – Julius Weintraub.
“Last year people won more than one billion dollars playing poker. And casinos made twenty-seven billion just by being around those people.” –Samantha Bee
“It’s hard to walk away from a winning streak, even harder to leave the table when you’re on a losing one.” – Cara Bertoia
“Quit while you’re ahead. All the best gamblers do.” – Baltasar Gracián y Morales
“A gambler never makes the same mistake twice. It’s usually three or more times.” – Terry Murphy
“A gambler plays even when the odds are immutable and against him.” – Roger “Lou Krieger” Lubin
“Sitting there, it is impossible to change your luck. But, you can always change the machine you are at!” ― James Hauenstein
“The greatest risk is not taking one.” – Tim Fargo
“The urge to gamble is so universal and its practice so pleasurable that I assume it must be evil.” ― Heywood Hale Broun
Jokes About Gambling Problems
“One of the healthiest ways to gamble is with a spade and a package of garden seeds.” ― Dan Bennett
“If you ain’t just a little scared when you enter a casino, you are either very rich, or you haven’t studied the games enough.”— Terrence “VP Pappy” Murphy
“Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.” ― Seneca
“The house doesn’t beat the player. It just gives him the opportunity to beat himself.” – Nick Dandalos
“Luck always seems to be against the man who depends on it.” ―
Unknown Author
Unknown Author
“There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one.” – Jack Yelton
“If there weren’t luck involved, I would win every time.” – Phil Hellmuth
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“A man’s gotta make at least one bet a day, else he could be walking around lucky and never know it.” – Jimmy Jones
“The only man who makes money following the races is the one who does it with a broom and shovel.” – Elbert Hubbard
“Gambling is the great leveller. All men are equal at cards.” – Nikolai Gogol
“Gambling with cards or dice or stocks is all one thing. It’s getting money without giving an equivalent for it.” – Henry Ward Beecher
“Gambling is an act of faith of gamblers. Prophecy is an act of faith of the saints.” – Toba Beta
“Luck, bad if not good, will always be with us. But it has a way of favoring the intelligent and showing its back to the stupid.” – John Dewey
“Nobody is always a winner, and anybody who say he is, is either a liar or doesn’t play poker.” – Alfred Alvarez
“There are two great pleasures in gambling: that of winning and that of losing.”— French Proverb
“To be a poker champion, you must have a strong bladder.” – Jack McClelland
“A weekend in Vegas without gambling and drinking is just like being a born-again Christian.” – Artie Lange
“Gambling operates under the premise that greed can be satisfied by luck.” Rita – Mae Brown
“If I lose today, I can look forward to winning tomorrow, and if win today, I can expect to lose tomorrow. A sure thing is no fun.” – Chico Marx
“If I lose today, I can look forward to winning tomorrow, and if win today, I can expect to lose tomorrow. A sure thing is no fun.” – Chico Marx
“A Gentleman is a man who will pay his gambling debts even when he knows he has been cheated.” – Leo Tolstoy
“In order to be a successful gambler you have to have a complete disregard for money.” – Doyle Brunson
“If you must play, decide upon three things at the start: the rules of the game,
the stakes, and the quitting time.” – Chinese Proverb
the stakes, and the quitting time.” – Chinese Proverb
“You cannot beat a roulette table unless you steal money from it.” – Albert Einstein
Old games com review. “When I was young, people called me a gambler. As the scale of my operations increased I became known as a speculator. Now I am called a banker. But I have been doing the same thing all the time.” – Sir Ernest Cassel
“You don’t gamble to win.You gamble so you can gamble the next day.” – Bert Ambrose
“At gambling, the deadly sin is to mistake bad play for bad luck.” – Ian Fleming
“Someone once asked me why women don’t gamble as much as men do and I gave the commonsensical reply that we don’t have as much money. That was a true but incomplete answer. In fact, women’s total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage.” – Gloria Steinem
“I wonder what inspires gamblers. Is it the adventure or the love of laziness?” – Paul Bamikole
“Las Vegas is the only place I know where money really talks – It says, Goodbye.” – Frank Sinatra in “The Joker Is Wild”
“The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.” – Ambrose Bierce
“To get it right, be born with luck or else make it. Never give up. A little money helps, but what really gets it right is never facing the facts.” – Ruth Gordon
“Gambling is a way of buying hope on credit.” – Alan Wykes
“A dollar won is twice as sweet as a dollar earned.” – Paul Newman
“Poker is a lot like sex, everyone thinks they are the best, but most don’t have a clue what they are doing.” – Dutch Boyd
“I can never gain something without losing everything I had.” – Nadia Scrieva
“The less you bet, the more you lose when you win.” – Bob Nastanovich
“I used to be a heavy gambler. But now I just make mental bets. That’s how I lost my mind.” – Steve Allen
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“Gambling is the son of avarice and the father of despair.” – French Proverb
“Gambling has brought our family together. We had to move to a smaller house.”– Tommy Cooper
“If you would be wealthy, think of saving as well as getting.” – Benjamin Franklin
“If you can’t spot the sucker in your first half hour at the table, then you are the sucker.” – Mike McDermott
“Poker is a hard way to make an easy living.” – Doyle Brunson
“All the evidence shows that God was actually quite a gambler, and the universe is a great casino, where dice are thrown, and roulette wheels spin on every occasion.” – Stephen Hawking
“I can’t believe that God plays dice with the universe.” – Albert Einstein
“Gambling is part of the human condition. I love it. I have the best time gambling. I’ve been winning fortunes, and I’ve been losing them.” – Jerry Lewis
“In gambling, the many must lose in order that the few may win.” – George Bernard Shaw
“My advice to the unborn is, don’t be born with a gambling instinct
unless you have a good sense of probabilities.” – Jack Dreyfus
unless you have a good sense of probabilities.” – Jack Dreyfus
“One of the worst things that can happen to you in life is to win a bet on a horse
at an early age.” – Danny McGoorty
at an early age.” – Danny McGoorty
“No dog can go as fast as the money you bet on him.” – Bud Flanagan
“In the casino, the cardinal rule is to keep them playing and to keep them coming back. The longer they play, the more they lose, and in the end, we get it all.” – Robert De Niro in “Casino”
“If I had the money and the drinking capacity, I’d probably live at a roulette table and let my life go to hell.” – Michael Ventura
“Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun.” – Lady Gaga
“The slot machines sit there like young courtesans, promising pleasures undreamed of, your deepest desires fulfilled, all lusts satiated.” – Frank Scoblete
“The subject of gambling is all encompassing. It combines man’s natural play instinct with his desire to know about his fate and his future.” – Franz Rosenthal
“At the gambling table, there are no fathers and sons.” – Chinese Proverb
“I like to play blackjack. I’m not addicted to gambling. I’m addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.” – Mitch Hedberg
“I want people to understand, gambling is not a bad thing if you do it within the framework of what it’s meant to be, which is fun and entertaining.” – Michael Jordan
“There are three roads to ruin; women, gambling and technicians. The most pleasant is with women, the quickest is with gambling, but the surest is with technicians.”– Georges Pompidou
“Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.” – Unknown Author
“The best throw of the dice is to throw them away.” – English Proverb
“Baccarat is a game whereby the croupier gathers in money with a flexible sculling oar, then takes it home. If I could have borrowed his oar I would have stayed.” – Mark Twain
“The roulette table pays nobody except him that keeps it. Nevertheless a passion for gaming is common, though a passion for keeping roulette tables is unknown.” – George Bernard Shaw
“In most betting shops you will see three windows marked “Bet Here”, but only one window with the legend “Pay Out”.” – Jeffrey Bernard
“I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.” – Thomas Jefferson
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gamblingQuotes about gamblingSavingA spin on the roulette wheel, 80 hours passing chips at the poker table, an incredible streak of luck at the races. Most of us know a funny, straight up crazy gambling story. Similar to a ‘rite of passage’ or ‘coming of age’, gamblers, and their friends, love to compare each other’s triumphs and even pitfalls. Here are our top 5 picks for funniest gambling stories.
Grandma Rolls, and Wins, 154 Times
Funny Thoughts And Jokes
The odds for this first story are 1 in 1.56 TRILLION. Grandmother Patricia Demauro walked to a craps table at Atlantic City's Borgata Hotel Casino and Spa with $100. She had only played craps one other time, but tired of the slots she had previously played, she picked up the orange dice and started off with a lucky “roll”, no pun intended. Four hours and 18 minutes later, Demauro had not only won all 154 rolls, but had also broken a world record for the longest craps roll and the most successive dice rolls without 'sevening out.' She never stated how much she won, but experts suggest it was likely to be in the hundreds of thousands, perhaps millions. Now that is luck.
A Lucky Win and then Deportation
Funny Gambling Jokes
You hear about gamblers undergoing serious despair and defeat after they’ve cashed in their winnings. But for a woman in Arizona, she had her moment of despair soon after she won the $1200 jackpot at a local casino. After heading to the cash booth to eagerly collect her winnings, she was asked to show her passport. Her failure to do so led to further questioning and the realization that she was illegally in the United States. Not only did she not get to collect her winnings, but she was deported back to Mexico. The key thing to take away here is have your legal I.D. ready to avoid problematic situations.
300,000 FedEx Employees (and Counting) Owe Their Jobs to Gambling
FedEx currently employs 300,000 people worldwide. The transportation company has a $33 billion dollar capital gain, with its founder and CEO Fred Smith having a personal net worth of $2.1 billion. Had it not been for a Blackjack table, the billion-dollar company may not have ever existed. In 1973, the company had $5,000 in the bank and a $24,000 fuel bill. Thinking they would have to liquidate, Fred Smith decided to take his last bit of money and head to Vegas. There, he turned the $5,000 into $27,000 at a Blackjack table. It was that night which put a man on the path to one of the wealthiest people in the world.
The 20-Second Win
Ashley Revell, an English gent, went for an all or nothing roulette spin. After emptying his savings account and selling every single thing he owned, Ashley had a whopping $136,000. He let the wheel work its magic and 20 seconds later, he turned his cash into $272,000. Not bad, but we don’t recommend spending every penny you own in one game.
Cheaters or Not?
In 2000, gamblers Michael Russo and James Grosjean were uncomfortably detained at a well-known casino. They’re suspected crime? Cheating. They’re names were etched into the Griffins’ Book, a database of undesirables. The casino considered this just another day at the office, but Russo and Grosjean sued. They claimed that they had not been found with any cheating devices, they didn’t steal chips and they didn’t cause uproar. They used their minds and their “style of play” to beat the casino, aka counting cards. They argued that the casino and Griffin Investigations illegally detained them and blacklisted them. The verdict? These two gamblers won the suit.
Citing the large financial awards, Griffin Investigations filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy in 2005. Moreover, the casino and other strip casinos have changed their policies about counting cards. And, no, casinos are net letting players count cards; they just can’t take you into the backroom for an impromptu shakedown. Lesson here, lawsuits can indeed change behavior of not only people, but casinos too!
Funny Video Game Jokes
Fact or Fiction?
Funny Gambling Jokes Joke
Our last funny gambling story is one which has not been officially confirmed, but it’s so good that we’ll include is as a bonus. In 2010, news about an 8-year-old boy from Chandigrah, India winning $500,000 spread like a wildfire on the internet. The story goes that this boy, dubbed a computer genius in the sense that he was building web pages at age 4, was using his uncle’s poker account when he hit the jackpot. Sources say the poker room refused to pay out because of the boy’s age, but the family insists that the website did indeed know the age of the boy and that they called him the “little poker wizard”. They claim he also won, and collected smaller amounts of money on the site and was paid via PayPal. Since, the anonymous poker site blocked his account. The family of the boy took the poker site to a New Delhi court. As of now, the outcome has not been released. If the story is true, this boy definitely has a solid future in online poker.